I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
