And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Can you repeat that, but with context?
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
