Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
That's intense
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
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