nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
