Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
