I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I can't turn off my feet"
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
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