I hate your face
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Randomize
