I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
