I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
