Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
i came on her dog
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
