i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Randomize
