apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Randomize
