who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
