The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
