When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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