i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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