Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
