and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
