I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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