PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
