marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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