Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
