I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
