thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Randomize
