So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Randomize
