I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
