Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Randomize
