This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
