Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
