i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
