I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
