Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
