Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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