If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Randomize
