I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
