well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
we made out on top of his cat.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
I know her cup size but not her name....
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