were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
