i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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