May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize