fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
