Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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