The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
