You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
