just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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