Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
I think my fart just growled at me.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
