Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
