So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
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