So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
