if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Randomize
