Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
